Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Firework


Emotions come at night. It usually does – well at least for me. And so I’m writing about this – spontaneous overflow of emotions recollected in tranquility. How do I start? What do I feel right now? What if I feel nothing? Well, I guess I have to continue this anyway. “I can see the sun whenever you’re near,” a line from a song which sings about, obviously, love. I’m not in love though, I just want love to be there or perhaps come from somewhere. It’s not long since I’ve been madly in love – caught in an endless trance of the perfect man. And I don’t want to be that ecstasy again, not for now. I just want love to be there or perhaps come from somewhere.

Since darkness and silence succumbs me while writing this, I wish I could tell you how hard it is to have a heartbreak and be the only one to fix it – like what I had before – but it’ll be a sham because the feeling isn’t there anymore. I believe what I feel now is more of what darkness cannot see and silence dares not to hear – fireworks. It is a spectacular scene across the night sky. It is the dance of lights. It is an artist’s painting on a big, dark canvas. And every artwork signifies something; at this case it’s special. I guess that’s why fireworks are seen only on occasions. Fireworks are like him. He is my firework at the moment. Difference is that I get to see him almost every day. He doesn’t brighten up my cloudy days, that line’s too cliché, he’d be my sun for that matter if I were to say it metaphorically. He is actually my source of amazement, a scene better viewed from afar. My firework, as I say. Unlike the sun that I always see across the sky and which of I know much about, fireworks are more mysterious to me, probably because I don’t know where it’s coming from or how it becomes so beautiful – perhaps I’m just and will continue to be magnetized by it every day. And so falling in love with a firework is like falling in love with a stranger. I still don’t know much about him. I’m afraid. He just defies the darkness and the silence of tonight in my mind. I can’t wait to see how spectacular he is tomorrow. His tall and pencil-figure, his fair skin, his small and tamed eyes, his dragon nose, and his expressive lips – his presence just overwhelms me. 

But we all know fireworks end. Yes, the picture was thrilling, but after, one can just easily forget. This kind of firework is different. I want him to be more than just my firework. I want to know him. I want him to know me as well. I want him to need me. I want to need him. I want him to be my sun.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Ang Alamat Ng Upuan

Paano kung hindi lang lahat ng may buhay ay may kuwento? Paano kung ang mga lumalabas sa isang tao katulad ng ihi at pawis ay hindi dahil sa pisiolohikal na rason kundi mas malalim at mahiwagang kadahilanan? At paano kung ang inuupuan mo ay tao pala?

Isang araw nang wala pang mga istraktura sa mundo ay may isang lalake na walang ginawa kundi maglakad nang maglakad sa isang gubat na mahiwaga. Ito’y lingid sa kaalaman niya dahil sa kanyang pag-iisip ay kumakalam na ang kanyang sitmura. Ngunit patuloy pa rin siyang naglalakad sapagkat hindi niya alam kung saan paroroon ang gubat na iyon. Lakad ng lakad hanggang sa madapa siya at kumapit sa puno. Lingid din sa knayang kaalaman na ang mga puno ng gubat na iyon ay may kakaibang kapangyarihan na nagbibigay ng ninanais ngunit matinding kailangan ng tao tuwing mahahawakan ito kung kaya’t binigyan siya nito ng iba-ibang pagkain at hindi na siya nagutom nang muli. Nabuhay na siya ng naglalakad lamang sa gubat na iyon nang isang araw ay may nakita siya magandang babae na mukhang naliligaw. Nilapitan at kinausap niya ito dahil kay tagal na rin niyang hindi nakakakita ng katulad niya. Ang babae raw ay gutom na gutom at sobrang pagod dahil isang araw na siyang naglalakad sa gubat na iyon kung kaya’t nagsalo sila sa pagkain at patuloy silang naglakad. Subalit ang babae ay madaling mapagod kung kaya’t siya’y upo nang upo sa lupa. Ayaw niyang makita nang ganun ang babae sapagkat minahal niya na ito kahit sandali pa lamang silang nagsasama. Lumapit siya sa puno, hinawakan niya ito, at bigla-biglang naramdaman na naninigas siya. Hinanap siya ng babae ngunit ang nakita lang niya ay isang kahoy na upuan. Kinuha niya ito at patuloy na naglakad sa mahiwagang gubat na iyon umaasang makita ang lalake na nagbigay sa kanya ng pagkain.




© Maryfaith G. Rayos 

Friday, December 31, 2010

Heart Strain


Yes, it is you whom I love,

I love to cherish,

I love to love,

It might ache through my bones,

Those heartless words,

It will all just fade -


Given all the time in the world.




Emotional Senses



The gray smoke in your mind that crushes your heart,

The anger in your heart that crushes your soul,

The emptiness in your soul that kills your flesh,

What my eyes can’t see,

My heart can feel.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Night of Hatred Thoughts




You went away because you knew
I can't be fooled anymore.




You didn't love me. You just loved what I had done.




You knew that I don't want to be told on what to do -
but I followed you.





If you knew everything about me, how come
you said you didn't understand me?




I saw you as my role model before. Now, I think,
you better need one.



I should have seen that it was not just love,
but selfishness.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Hatred


I think I love you
At second thought, I now really do not
Don’t blame me
There has been something you got

I know you understand
Is there anything you didn’t?
You acted like I’m the fool
But didn’t you become one too?

You knew I was down
And yet still pushed me hard to the ground
You say that no one understood you
Well do you think they understood me too?

Still apologies reached out
At every corner of your house
Still no way to escape
The memories we made

Yes, I must say
I was dumb-founded from the start
All because of loving you
So never again will you have my heart


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Emotions. Defense Mechanisms. Whatever.

I don't really know what to say. I don't really know how to start this post. It just went to me that I have to write this down, maybe about what I'm feeling right now. (I know it's a cliche and an irony to my last post. Apologies.)


Did you ever feel broken, but not exactly that? Feel sad, but you know you're okay? Or maybe upset, but it seems that you're relaxed in a way or two? Well, sorry to say that you're a weird person - NAAH. I guess it's just normal to have these "weird stuff" going in your mind - or probably in your heart? Needless to say, I'm a bit in this emotional crisis and my speculated reason for this is having to miss a person so badly. I know I can just text him and start a conversation, I possibly can, but the thing is - will he answer back? I guess not - mostly, probably, maybe? I really don't know. I would really like to thank my defense mechanisms for this because they sort of have a big help here, so here I am coming up with 5 Possible Reasons for Not Messaging a Person - not just a person though 'cause it's somebody you love (alright?):
  1. Pride. Definitely, we all have that to keep.
  2. Hesitation. Is there anything important to say? What will I get from him if I do text him? (You won't have a reason to miss him! - Yeah, right.) 
  3. Fear. Your heart pounds when you see his number. You already typed hello, but you think it's not enough, and then for a while, you'll think it is because he might not reply and you just gave away too many words without any response - which all boils down to your pride again.
  4. Time. If you don't get any chance of staying idle for a while just to think about that person, I bet you have a busy and time-managed schedule there honey. I must agree, it's good for anyone. You're just too busy putting yourself together - or should I say building your pride up together?
  5. Love. Well, pride now doesn't have any say on this. Good thing. I believe that it will always end up to this reason - I suppose. This word can explain for itself.
Sorry for being too subjective about this. I might have generalized stuff, so I ask of your understanding. I've been too subjective with what I'm saying about things nowadays, maybe because it has been all about me. I need him now, frankly-speaking, because he's someone I can talk to about everything. It's hard to lose the one you treated as a best friend - especially if you're that person who doesn't consider that label much. 






"You're the sun in my brightest days, at the same time, you're the rain in my gloomiest afternoons."


Maffay :/