Emotions come at night. It
usually does – well at least for me. And so I’m writing about this –
spontaneous overflow of emotions recollected in tranquility. How do I start? What
do I feel right now? What if I feel nothing? Well, I guess I have to continue
this anyway. “I can see the sun whenever you’re near,” a line from a song which
sings about, obviously, love. I’m not in love though, I just want love to be
there or perhaps come from somewhere. It’s not long since I’ve been madly in
love – caught in an endless trance of the perfect man. And I don’t want to be
that ecstasy again, not for now. I just want love to be there or perhaps come
from somewhere.
Since darkness and silence succumbs
me while writing this, I wish I could tell you how hard it is to have a
heartbreak and be the only one to fix it – like what I had before – but it’ll
be a sham because the feeling isn’t there anymore. I believe what I feel now is
more of what darkness cannot see and silence dares not to hear – fireworks. It
is a spectacular scene across the night sky. It is the dance of lights. It is
an artist’s painting on a big, dark canvas. And every artwork signifies something;
at this case it’s special. I guess that’s why fireworks are seen only on
occasions. Fireworks are like him. He is my firework at the moment. Difference
is that I get to see him almost every day. He doesn’t brighten up my cloudy
days, that line’s too cliché, he’d be my sun for that matter if I were to say
it metaphorically. He is actually my source of amazement, a scene better viewed
from afar. My firework, as I say. Unlike the sun that I always see across the
sky and which of I know much about, fireworks are more mysterious to me,
probably because I don’t know where it’s coming from or how it becomes so
beautiful – perhaps I’m just and will continue to be magnetized by it every day.
And so falling in love with a firework is like falling in love with a stranger.
I still don’t know much about him. I’m afraid. He just defies the darkness and
the silence of tonight in my mind. I can’t wait to see how spectacular he is
tomorrow. His tall and pencil-figure, his fair skin, his small and tamed eyes,
his dragon nose, and his expressive lips – his presence just overwhelms me.
But we all know fireworks end. Yes,
the picture was thrilling, but after, one can just easily forget. This kind of
firework is different. I want him to be more than just my firework. I want to
know him. I want him to know me as well. I want him to need me. I want to need
him. I want him to be my sun.
